Dating someone who has cheated before
For anyone on the other end of this situation, taking in someone’s cheating past can be hard.
But Shea says it’s not black and white — the reasons for cheating are diverse and complicated.
X It’s a common rule never to bring up exes on the first date, but Shea says at some point in your relationship, you’re going to have to talk about past lovers.
And for the most part, the new partner in your life will want to know how it ended.
I hate that I was involved with him for so long while he had a girlfriend and kept breaking his promises of leaving her, but it felt bigger than any relationship I ever had and it truly is.
Still, it worries me that he was capable of doing this.
Shea says if this friend is going to be present at gatherings, your new partner is going to eventually pick up on it.“It is better to be up front about it,” she says.
“Tell them, ‘Years ago we slept together and nothing came of it.'”READ MORE: 8 signs you’re in a toxic relationship — and how to get out She says this is better than your partner finding out on their own at a later date, which can be destructive to your relationship and your friendship with the other person.
Still, he took about 10 months to actually break up with her, out of fear and “feeling stuck.” He was 32 and I was 24, and it felt like he was really going through something so I always made excuses.I can’t help but think he’s going to do the same thing to me.Dear Catherine, I can understand your concerns, and you’re wise to consider what your history together means for your future together.Although we have been dating exclusively now for eight months, and he has been only good to me, I randomly and somewhat regularly freak out on him.
I picture them together all the time and get so frustrated that we even went through that period of time.There’s a difference, though, between dwelling and examining, and I would encourage you and your boyfriend to examine your fears about the affair that you both were a part of.